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  • Writer's pictureJulie

The secret to living your best life is learning what you can control

What is control and how does it rule your life?

The definition of control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

You may have been taught from a young age that you must control your life. If you don’t someone else will.

Does this sound familiar?

Let’s take a look at some common phrases surrounding the word control:

--> “You are out of control!” (Signifies a loss of control in any area of your life)

--> “If you don’t take control, I will” (If you don’t get a handle on this situation, someone else will take over)

--> “You need to take control of your life” (Only you know what this situation needs and you should control the outcome)

--> “I just lost it!” (A loss of control around one’s sanity, physicality, you have lost your grip on y our “normal”)

--> “Pull yourself together!” (You have lost control of a situation, your emotions or both)

Why do we feel the need to control everything?

Life is not always easy and frequently we find that not everything is lining up the way we think it should.

We try to control our spouses and we want them to give us the reaction we want to a situation, not what their true response is.

We work with our horses and want to “control” their thoughts, temperament and physical moves so that it matches up with our perceived notion of what perfect looks like.

We love to control our job and focus on every minute detail thinking that if A + B = C is true, then by controlling A & B we will get C.


Many of us subscribe to the notion that if we don’t control our lives, someone else will control it for us. This is a deep scarcity thought process that will leave you feeling disempowered and that there is no room for mistakes.

It will make you feel like you have no control over your life which makes all of us feel helpless, not empowered.

The real truth is you can’t control anything other than yourself.

Why can’t I control this situation or person?

When we understand that there is only ONE thing we can control, (ourselves), it frees us up to let go of the frustrations and burdens of trying to make our world perfect.

The good news is, you can control how YOU react to situations, people, places etc.

Yet, you CANNOT control other people, animals, situations, others emotions, your job, your partner, your family members, nature, the weather etc.

Yet we think we can and we drive ourselves crazy trying (“trying” being the operative word) to MAKE things happen the way we want them to be.

NOTE: Remember, when you are trying to “MAKE” something happen, you are forcing your will on a situation, someone or something, which stems from the ego, not the heart.

You have more control than you think:

--> You have complete control over yourself.

--> You get to decide which partner you want.

--> You get to decide which job would be best for you.

You also get to decide where you want to live, how you want to look and what you want to bring into your life as well as remove what is not working for you.

If the above statement is true, then why do we feel so far away from where we want to be?

The basic understanding that you can only control yourself should be something that you go back to again and again.

Humans love to take over.

We think we know what’s best not only for ourselves, but also our friends, neighbors, strangers, spouses, animals, hobbies, the earth, etc.

The problem occurs when we try to have it all turn in our favor by controlling all of what we see with our eyes, feel with our hands and understand with our emotions.

Your horse or dog has their own thoughts about what they want to do.

Your spouse knows what he or she wants to accomplish today.

Your boss understands exactly what you must do to give them your best work.

Your job is to control yourself to meet others expectations as long as it in alignment with what you want to manifest in your life.

Your only job is to decide what circumstances and people would be best for you and then control your emotions and actions to align with the circumstances you want to manifest in your life.

In other words, do all you can to manifest your happy outcome, yet know that there will be failures and bumps along the road.

You will experience people who do not share your vision or partners who do not feel the way you do about the relationship.

It will not always be smooth sailing, yet once you have done all you can, it’s time to surrender.

Allow the heavy burdens to roll off your back and know that you cannot control anyone other than yourself.

Trust in Spirit, that you are right where you need to be and you will have what you need, when you need it.

Your ability to release your need to control all will make you and everyone in your world happier.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.


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